


Totally Metal

by NavigatorNine



Category: Metalocalypse, Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Crossover, Cussing, Gen, Headcanon, banish me to fandom/bandom hell, this crossover should not exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6996397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavigatorNine/pseuds/NavigatorNine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toki makes a new friend who's totally metal! And totally invincible... Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Totally Metal

**Author's Note:**

> So yes, in case you missed the tags, this is a Metalocalypse/Steam Powered Giraffe crossover oneshot. And yes, it does help to know both canons. If you are familiar with one but not the other, I'll give you some background information right here.
> 
>  
> 
> METALOCALYPSE: Is an Adult Swim show about Dethklok, the world's biggest metal band. All 5 members are mentioned in this fic, and they are, in no particular order: Nathan Explosion, Toki Wartooth, Pickles, Skwisgaar Skwigelf, and William Murderface. The main character in this fic is Toki, who's kind of the annoying little brother to the rest of the band. Also, everyone he loves dies. Also also, you're not having a stroke, he and Skwisgaar are not native English speakers and they have this really distinctive way of talking which I have transcribed as faithfully as I can. You'll see. Also briefly mentioned is Charles Ofdensen, the band's Chief Financial Officer. (THIS FANDOM IS NOT FAMILY-FRIENDLY).
> 
> STEAM POWERED GIRAFFE: Is a San Diego-based band made up of real people who pretend to be fictional steam-powered robots & have crafted an elaborate lore and backstory for the characters they portray. This story is set within that universe and, as such, does not concern the real people who make the music. The Jon is an ex-member who canonically left the band to travel the world. However, since he runs off Crystal Pepsi, which was discontinued, certain members of the fandom headcanon that he actually ran out of fuel and shut down, making him effectively dead. The fic also briefly mentions Michael Reed, a human (ex) member of the band and The Spine (who is not mentioned by name), a current robot member. (THIS FANDOM IS FAMILY-FRIENDLY).
> 
> Okay, got that over with. (At this rate, the author's notes are going to be longer than the story. Brevity was never really my thing). I'm working on several multichaps at the time of writing this oneshot, and decided to bust this out as a little palate-cleanser.
> 
> One last thing: This fic takes on the spirit and tone of Metalocalypse, meaning there are mentions of alcohol, adult language, and people generally being jerks to each other.
> 
> If the massive author's note didn't scare you off, I hope you enjoy the fic!

The night was interrupted by an announcement from a Gear.

“Master, you have a visitor.”

Four pairs of eyes came to rest on Toki.

“What?” he demanded.

“Toki, I swear to god, if you invited that fucking clown over again, I’ll break his fucking neck,” Nathan snarled. “And then yours.”

Toki shook his head, brown hair flying behind in a messy arc. “I mades a new friend what ams totally metal!”

“Huh. Doubt it.” Skwisgaar rolled his eyes.

“No, really! Totally metal! I swears!”

“Alright, what the fuck ever,” Nathan sighed. He turned his attention to the Gear who was still standing there silently. “Bring him in. And bring me another drink.”

“Oh, me too,” Pickles chimed in.

“And one for Pickles.”

“Fuck you, I want one too!” Murderface added, sensing he was being left out.

“Fuck you, Murderface, go get your own.”

“Guys, shut up! He’s here!” Toki paused his video game and walked across the room. “Say hi, everybodies!”

There was a moment’s silence.

Then Nathan said, “Toki, what the fuck is that?”

Toki gasped. “ _ Nathan _ ! Be nice. This ams my buddy, The Jon! Introduce yourself.”

The Jon waved. The other four members of Dethklok look at him apprehensively, so he said, “Hi, I’m The Jon,” somewhat redundantly. At more silence, he added, “I'm a singing musical automaton. I’m made of a brass alloy and powered by Blue Matter. I was built back in 1896.” Even more silence. “That’s my, uh, backstory?”

Finally, Pickles broke the silence. “Dude, Toki. Your new friend... Is a fuckin’ robot?”

“That’s pretty-- Okay, that’s pretty fuckin’ cool,” Murderface mumbled. “He’s  _ literally _ metal.”

“That’s not all! He’s in a super cools band what ams all robots!”

“Shit, there’s  _ more _ ?” Nathan looked impressed. “What do you play, kid?”

The Jon straightened up, looking a little more bold now that the room at large was okay with his presence. “Guitar, bass, mandolin, cello, drums, and electric watermelon!”

“C’mere, sit down.” Nathan motioned The Jon over to a seat. “Tell me what the fuck an electric watermelon is. You want a drink? Hey, you!” He gestured to the nearest Gear. “Get this kid a drink.”

“I run on Crystal Pepsi, that’s all I’m allowed to have,” The Jon explained.

“I think Murderface has a can of that lyin’ around somewhere,” Pickles said with an airy wave of his hand. He addressed the Gear. “Find it ‘n’ throw some Captain Morgan in there, make a Captain Pepsi-- No, a Captain  _ Crystal  _ Pepsi, you got that? Good.”

“Will you zip it and let him talk?” Murderface snapped. “I wanna hear what the fuck an electric watermelon is.”

They all leaned in to listen.

 

By the time two hours had passed, they were all talking and laughing like old friends. Finally, The Jon stood up. “I have to get going now, Michael is here to pick me up.”

“Tell Michael to fuck off,” Murderface suggested.

“C’mon, have another drink,” Pickles slurred, and made a clumsy attempt to press his drink into The Jon’s hand. “Ya didn’t finish telling us about that Captain Albert Alexander guy.”

“Sorry!” The Jon chirped. “Next time, okay! Thanks for inviting me over, Toki!” He let Toki pull him into a bear hug and then left, waving goodbye over his shoulder and smiling.

“I like that kid,” Nathan said after the door had shut. “He’s a good kid.”

“Hopes nothing bad happens to him,” Skwisgaar said mildly.

“What the fucks ams that suppose to mean?” Toki demanded.

“Y’really haven’t noticed?” Pickles looked at Toki incredulously. “Everyone you give a shit about, like,  _ dies. _  Horribly.”

“Except for that shitfucking clown,” Nathan mumbled.

“Hate that fucking clown,” Murderface added under his breath.

“Well, nothings is gonna happen to The Jon!” Toki declared. “He’s a robots! Can’t nothings bad happens to him. He’s invincibles!”

 

A few days later, Toki’s Dethphone rang during a band meeting. “Shuts up, everybody, it’s The Jon.”

They all fell silent, though Charles sighed loudly and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses.

Toki answered the phone. “Hello? Yes, speaking.”

From the other end, the others could make out a low, smooth voice. Toki listened, his facial expression growing more broken with every word.

“Hello, Toki. This is The Spine, Jon’s,” the voice hesitated slightly, “bandmate. He wanted me to tell you goodbye for him. We uh. Well, they stopped making Crystal Pepsi, and we ran out, and he’s. The Jon is. Well, ah, I mean. To put it in human terms, The Jon is d--”

Toki hung up the phone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> A few more notes:  
> 1) I know it's common to phonetically spell out Murderface's lateral lisp, but I made the stylistic choice to not do that. So yes, I did do that on purpose.  
> 2) I actually don't agree with the headcanon that The Jon is dead, but the angst factor was too good to pass up.  
> 3) I wasn't able to make it clear in the narrative, but The Jon is imitating Rabbit and The Spine's introductions because, at least in the live album, he never gets the chance to introduce himself onstage, so he probably doesn't know what to say. (This is venturing into headcanon territory).  
> 4) Since Murderface has a thing for antiques/history and he's, you know, a rich asshole and does whatever he wants, I find the chances pretty high that he has (or shall I say had) a vintage can of Crystal Pepsi from the '90s. It's probably not safe for human consumption, but robot consumption is A-OK.  
> 5) Nathan persistently refers to The Jon as "kid" despite the fact that he's like ~120 years old. Nathan doesn't know. The Jon doesn't care.  
> 6) While the fandom is really enthusiastic about referring to to the automatons of Steam Powered Giraffe as "siblings" you'll notice the creators never use that term. Therefore, I intended for The Spine's hesitation regarding the word "bandmate" (as opposed to "brother") to echo Doomstar.
> 
> Okay, yes, I addressed everything I wanted to address. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the story!


End file.
